Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Touched by a van

My new most dangerous spot for cyclists in Asheville - the parking lot outside Caffiend. There's almost enough room to swing a small car in and out of those spots, heaven forbid an old van versus a fat bastard on a little silver bike.

Sorry to report that both I and the bastard bike are OK, but it's fun to push against a van while you're riding.

Welcome to the now AWARD WINNING!!! blog of the Bastard. I was quickly whisked off the stage by the "Get off the stage" music and didn't get to complete my speech that I had written in anticipation of being justly awarded "Least Likely to Make Money by Blogging", which I now reproduce in its entirety.

I would like to thank everyone who voted, but there really isn't any point. I thoroughly deserve this award. Actually, it's an embarrassment to be considered in the same lack of depth with the losers in this category, who clearly stand to make far more money than I from this blogging of which you speak. Take Brainshrub for example, nothing but banner ads and PayPal links. It is well known that Easy Bake Coven is just a front for identity theft, and over at Modern Peasant the first thing that hits you is an ad to buy a book. I must confess that Susan From the Right is my alter-ego, which should be obvious from our blogs having exactly the same layout, and So Much For Tact almost gave me a run for the money in this category, however made the vital mistake of being funny and readable.

So suffer in your underwear, losers. There can only be one truly pathetic, unable-to-cash-in blogger and it's me. All me. Don't bother hanging around for the rest of the awards, this is the climax. Thank me.

(if you would like to prove me wrong and book the bastard to bring down the mood of your next event - email georgethebastard at gmail.com for details)

As for the rest of the evening, it was fun to meet people and put faces to names. Excellent venue, gracious hosts, and a rather nice sulfuric acid drink donated by Bruisin' Ales. For those detractors, there's something refreshing about vaguely peachy flatulence in the morning to go with your cinnamon buns.

5 comments:

shadmarsh said...

excellent speech, if only the bloggonazi's had let you deliver it. Also this catagory has awoken me to the notion that you can use blogs to make money, which never occured to me. so if anyone is interested in ordering my fresh homemade pies, drop me a line.

George T. said...

You mean you weren't selling your cats? Is this why you ignored my question as to how much per pound?

shadmarsh said...

Must have been eaten by the spam filter... and my cat pies sell by the slice, not the pound, tho I am sure I could work something out if you are looking for a large quantity.

Edgy Mama said...

Nicely accepted.

As I was the blogga chosen as "Most Likely to Make Money" I expect you to act as my slave at the next Blogger party.

George the Bastard said...

As Edgy Mama's slave, I would be wearing only one less piece of pleather than I was at the globaloopzadecathalon.

And I'd probably get whipped less.

You're on.