Monday, March 31, 2008

Start your week off right

With some Feral Chihuahuas video goodness.

Plato the Drunk - recorded live at 35 Below. Featuring Tommy Calloway, Cameron Miller, and the poorly-hidden script.

Gangsta Rap for the Hearing Impaired. Featuring some bladderless wonder who couldn't last half a show without having to block the camera on their way back.

Monday, March 24, 2008

No bastardoke tonight

I mean it this time - Jay will not be running the karaoke at Rocket Club tonight. Fine by me, I need a chance to catch up on some sleep.

Last chance for feral chihuahuas auditions this coming weekend.

I'm feeling brain drain today so I'm headed for a liquid blinner. If you want to laugh, look no further than the comments section of the Asheville Citizen times.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Dear newly-gay Michael Stipe

In an announcement that shocked a few parents who bought their teenage sons "Monster" in 1994 and wonder what's happened to him now, Michael Stipe has come out of the closet in the latest issue of "Spin", a magazine with countless handfuls of listeners. Publicity hog, maybe. On the prowl for twinkie-boys and finding them harder to get these days, probably. I hope it works out for you, Mr. Stipe.

But here's the George the Bastard dilemma, Mr. Stipe. I own some of your CDs. I enjoy your music. So now that you're an announced homosexual, don't mess things up for your fans. Don't fall into the gay pit!

Take for example, Elton John. Had a good songwriter, could play some OK piano, flashy stage presence, decent voice. But within a week of coming out, he had gone from


Then take, for example, George Michael. 80s British pop star, 98.5% of which were gay. George is on the right (nice pompadour)

however, after being outed for a touch of cottaging, suddenly he looks like this

Let's call it a fakeover.

Michael Stipe, be a gay man in style, don't change. Look to Graham Chapman for inspiration - Graham Chapman had a coming out party in 1967, before Monty Python's Flying Circus began, and made a point of assuring everyone that he was going to continue to make fun of gay men. Eric Idle's reaction quoted in "The Pythons Autobiography by the Pythons" is priceless

"... he finally came out and had this party where he announced to everybody he was gay and involved with David Sherlock. We went, 'You fucking cunt, you bastard. We've been trying to get you to write this damn series you're being paid for and you're sneaking off!'"

You can do it, Michael Stipe!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Now with embedded goodness...

"Hindu Cowboy" - recorded live at 35 Below.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Feral Chihuahuas rule YouTube

Just added - three new clips - and this would be the breaking of my YouTube cherry, the first appearances of George the Bastard in Feral Chihuahuas clips.

Dark Krimson Sadness

Mother's Day

Not sure why, but embedding is disabled on the last one, so for some LIVE Chihuhuas (and George the Bastard dressed as John Philip Sousa), check out Hindu Cowboys.

No Shame, the March edition

Cold-cut Circus was sold out by the time I got there, good for you guys, I hope it was a good show and I'm sorry I missed it. Got prepared for No Shame by keeping a barstool at Dirty Jacks from getting lonely.

No Shame last night was a lot of fun. Same as last month, I'm baffled by taking two scripts from the same writer while there was a very long line of people wanting to get their stuff in. My sketch opened the show and got the kind of reaction I was hoping for, I like nervous uncomfortable laughter, and it built OK. The end was cut, but I was pretty happy with the reception, a few edits and you should be able to see it again soon on a Feral Chihuahuas show this summer.

There were some really good acts last night, some excellent writing and a chance to see Asheville's oddballs and talents.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Night of the Living Bastard

Another Saturday night in Asheville, it's lousy outside, a bunch of streets near casa del Bastard have been blocked off for some wet race, and so it's time to explore things alive this dreary weekend.

Going to start off at Cold-Cut Circus. I got a flyer for this during the week, I can't find much out about it online except for a post at a Warren Wilson message board. It's in a warehouse in deepest, darkest West Asheville, so it's got to be good.

Then I'm going to take a trip down to No Shame Theatre. Anyone interested in performing in a George "The" Bastard original (and this one is really going to push the limits of poor taste) see me at the door. Polishing up the dialogue now, I think it'll be a three or four person piece, with at least one female character.

I hope everyone reading breaks the bad-weather blues somehow!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Nursing homes are wasted on the elderly

I'm thinking of moving into an assisted-living complex. I'll probably need to when I'm old, but what's the point of that, I think it would be a lot more fun at age 37. Tonight I decided I'd try cooking, burnt out the kitchen (apparently you're meant to take old food off elements before cooking new food, who knew?), drank a bunch of cheap rum, watched South Park and tried to blog. Since I'm me and live allegedly capably by myself, this is lower behaviour. If I lived at a nursing home, it would be quirky and I'd be the life of the place.

I'd love to have someone to clean up after me, give me drugs and arrange bus trips to see local high schoolers show off.

Can we pick 5 years to spend in assisted living? I'll take mine now, and take care of myself when I'm 80.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Monday, Monday

Feral Chihuahua auditions continued through the weekends. I think there is something fundamentally wrong to have me be a judge of talent. If you can act, sing, or write funny material you're already one up on me, and I shouldn't be playing thumbs up and thumbs down. I'm not the Simon Cowell of the Feral Chihuahuas, I'm more like the Sanjaya of the Feral Chihuahuas, only old and fat (kind of like Sanjaya these days).

Karaoke tonight at the Rocket Club! All sorts of fun people are starting to come out to karaoke. I'm thinking of not singing tonight, but just karaokeing being an FM DJ, talking over the start of the song until the lyrics come in.

I got my first piece of anonymous yahoo hatemail in years over the weekend! I feel like I'm finally making it. Thanks "joe blo" and keep 'em coming!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


This is one happy bastard. Announced this week was that Lou Reed is doing a show at the Orange Peel on April 29th. Happy and excited bastard, but nothing comes close to heading to the page at the Orange Peel to find out ticket details (on sale Friday noon) and finding out...

The opening act is Melt-Banana!

As Shakespeare says, unbefuckinglieveable. Melt-Banana in Asheville! Here's their video for "Free the Bee" the opening track on "Teeny Shiny".

Monday, March 3, 2008

Welcome to ticketmaster, please bend over

Got tickets for the Plant/Krauss show at the Asheville Civic Center. Ticketmaster charged a $10.50 convenience and service fee, and that's per ticket. That's pretty impressive, for a sell-out Ticketmaster pockets a cool $50,000 for putting you under stress to type out your mailing address and credit card details in 3 minutes and 15 seconds or else you lose those precious tickets. Orange Peel has a service charge now on going to the box office and buying tickets, which pretty much leaves Grey Eagle as the only place in Asheville that has touring acts and doesn't charge a service fee for going to the venue with cash to buy a ticket.

Speaking of Grey Eagle, there were a shockingly good number of shows on Saturday night, but I opted to see Jonathan Richman at the Eagle of Greyness. Small but very appreciative crowd for a terrific set. I've seen him a few times before, this was maybe not as great as his show at Orange Peel a while back with Vic Chestnutt opening, but it was still really good. I was a little disappointed the new CD wasn't available.

Audition for the Feral Chihuahuas, I dare you! Email or call FCHQ on 828-253-8019.

Feraloke is on tonight at the Rocket Club, there's a chance I won't be there, which makes it all the better.