Dear newly-gay Michael Stipe

In an announcement that shocked a few parents who bought their teenage sons "Monster" in 1994 and wonder what's happened to him now, Michael Stipe has come out of the closet in the latest issue of "Spin", a magazine with countless handfuls of listeners. Publicity hog, maybe. On the prowl for twinkie-boys and finding them harder to get these days, probably. I hope it works out for you, Mr. Stipe.

But here's the George the Bastard dilemma, Mr. Stipe. I own some of your CDs. I enjoy your music. So now that you're an announced homosexual, don't mess things up for your fans. Don't fall into the gay pit!

Take for example, Elton John. Had a good songwriter, could play some OK piano, flashy stage presence, decent voice. But within a week of coming out, he had gone from


to


Then take, for example, George Michael. 80s British pop star, 98.5% of which were gay. George is on the right (nice pompadour)



however, after being outed for a touch of cottaging, suddenly he looks like this



Let's call it a fakeover.

Michael Stipe, be a gay man in style, don't change. Look to Graham Chapman for inspiration - Graham Chapman had a coming out party in 1967, before Monty Python's Flying Circus began, and made a point of assuring everyone that he was going to continue to make fun of gay men. Eric Idle's reaction quoted in "The Pythons Autobiography by the Pythons" is priceless

"... he finally came out and had this party where he announced to everybody he was gay and involved with David Sherlock. We went, 'You fucking cunt, you bastard. We've been trying to get you to write this damn series you're being paid for and you're sneaking off!'"

You can do it, Michael Stipe!