Sunday, October 21, 2007

Bastard Movie review: "Across the Universe"

"Cranky" Ken Hanke rated this movie 5 stars

George "The" Bastard rates this movie "get a guarantee of sex before going in"

Somewhere, sometime, a filmmaker watched "Hair" and thought "This film would be so much better if it had a happy ending and was all told in Beatles songs with contrived characters". It's a glorious train wreck, two hours of disaster upon disaster. It would have made a rather tight five minute play without the songs, basically if there was a line that could have been a line from a Beatles song, rather than just doing the line, let's do the whole song!

Evan Rachel Wood is funny trying to look like Bridget Fonda. T. V. Carpio has the misfortune of wandering through the movie without any point to her character, and the camera focusing squarely on a mole on her lip.

The only redeeming few minutes is Eddie Izzard, named Mr Kite for obvious reasons, who has a fixed expression of "Get me through this scene and out of this silly movie" through his one scene. Finally something has been found that Eddie Izzard is embarrassed to do.


shadmarsh said...

Is it Battlefield Earth bad? Which is so bad it's funny...well funny until you cannot stand to watch it any more.

George the Bastard said...

It's definitely in the Battlefield Earth/Christmas with the Kranks/Transformers list of huge budget train wrecks. So bad it's funny, well it's not like I would watch it over and over to enjoy the bad moments ad infinitum.

George the Bastard's top 5 bad films to watch over and over again because they're so horribly awful they're hilarious

-"Plan 9 From Outer Space" (every scene a winner)
-"Freddy Got Fingered" (bonus for the audio commentary on the DVD)
-"Cornman: American Vegetable Hero" ("Just like Jesus Christ he doesn't sin that much")
-"Starship Troopers" (just remember to root for the bugs and this movie is awesome)
-"No Ordinary Love" (nobody's made a gay heist film before, let's make it mostly gay, and less heisty, and then nobody will remember "Loot" or "Rope")

I leave out "Glen or Glenda" because the only really hysterically funny parts are the dream sequence and the ending.

shadmarsh said...

is freddy got fingered the Tom Greene flick?

George the Bastard said...

That be the one. It's a great ADD film, nothing lasts for very long, there's some sort of plot, and it's mostly an exercise in how tasteless humor can get. I love it, and I never get tired of singing "This is a fancy restaurant" wherever I go.

I'm also pleased to see that Petulant has a copy

shadmarsh said...

Im fond of the "Daddy would you like some sauages?" song, with the sauges suspended around the room