So much for Cello Scrotum

The Times debunked Cello Scrotum today.

And so disappears another of the genital/musical conditions. We are now down to...

Trombonists' Glans: when you masturbate in the long swooping strokes that you would usually use in a glissandi and squeeze far too much blood into the head of the penis.

French Horn Anus: when the extreme lip pressure on one end causes extreme sphincter loosening on the other end.

Tuba Taint: when attempting to become comfortable squatting holding a 45-pound instrument with no center of gravity results in you shifting uncomfortably so much you gain a characteristic rash

and that extremely unfortunate occurrance you can get when you hold the cymbals too close.

Things are going to get Feral!

Had a planning meeting for the Feral Chihuahuas last night, first time that all of us had been in the one place since our last show. We settled on a few things that you should be looking out for soon.

• Next show will most likely be an April Fools' Day show. Or a Palm Sunday show. Or an Administrative Professionals Day show. It will be linked to a nebulous occasion for joy around the end of March/Start of April time
  
  
• New clips will be going up soon on the Feral Chihuahuas YouTube channel. My favorite musical piece from last season will be one of them, so if you missed it during the season or the finale, your chance to see CherDonna, the diva to end all divas is coming soon
  
  
• This probably won't be a full-caster, but some of us will are working on a special show for Oscar Night, February 22.
  

Who brings a sword to a show???

I couldn't concentrate at the Oxymorons show last night. It wasn't a bad show (started off really really slowly, but picked up near the end). It wasn't a bad venue, there were sofas, and I snatched a table where I could drink coffee, eat stale pie (re-re-microwaved and lubricated with coffee it was edible), and sneak time on the crossword during the down periods in the show.

But there was a kid sitting right in front of me with a sword!

Buddha Bagels forgot to put the "No swords allowed" sign up next to the "No concealed weapons", "no fake ninjas", "no creative anachronists" and "did I forget to mention, this is a bagel place, you probably don't need a sword in here".

All through the show, this kid just kept playing with the sheath of the sword (or is it a scabbard?)... there's something Freudian there for all of us. An in a more Freudian sense, he managed to resist taking it out for the entire show.

Maybe this is the in thing with the kids these days, and to seem hip, I should bring a grenade to the Winter Beer Warmer this weekend?

What's funny in Asheville? The Oxymorons!

I haven't yet been in town on a Tuesday night to catch the Oxymorons shows at their new venue, but tonight I should be able to make it. Their shows are now at Buddha Bagels (formerly New York Bagels, formerly some bloke's bagels), 333 Merrimon avenue. I don't know if there will be cream cheese available. 7:30 start, free show but I expect they'll pass the hat around.

Asheville Fringe Arts Festival is coming up from Thursday until Saturday. This is the first time in four years that I haven't been a part of the festival, so I'm looking forward to being an audience for a change. There's an insanely complicated pricing scheme for tickets - I can't wait for the full schedule, but I definielty want to see Rock Saber, since the fragments I've seen at No Shame have cracked me up.

The Feral Chihuahuas are trying to coordinate our busy schedules to get a show together. More details as soon as I know it - stay funny Asheville!

Robot Johnson

Made it to the Robot Johnson show last night - I'd seen their big show at the Blumenthal Center over summer, their winter home is the Charlotte Comedy Theatre. The Charlotte Comedy Theatre reminds me a lot of the Shed, looks like about a 35-seater, a room in the back hall of a bar (The Graduate). I'd been there before for an improv show, but this time the noise from the bar was a bit more intrusive into the show. To add to the distraction it was a bit of a cat-calling audience.

Overall I enjoyed this show more than the one at Blumenthal - the writing was very good, the acting for such a small place was excellent and it was funny as hell. A lot of short sketches flashing by, so the opportunity for hit-or-miss, but most of them were hits. Odd ending though, I thought the ender was a sketch about a North Carolina redneck pitching movie ideas, since it was about the only sketch that had all of the cast members on stage (I've liked the Feral Chihuahuas direction where we've been ending on a full-caster).

Check out Robot Johnson if you're in Charlotte - they're on at 10pm at the Carolina Comedy Theatre.

Something to look out for

I saw an advertisement last night that G4 is going to air "Chaser's War On Everything", a really funny mostly political show from Australia.

The cast comes from the University of Sydney Revue - similar to the Cambridge Footlights or the Harvard Hasty Pudding (and my own very humble University of Tasmania Old Nick) college comedy tradition.

For a taste, here's the Eulogy song. I suspect G4 will bleep more than was bleeped on Australian television.



Things are all quietish on the Bastard front. I'm going to Charlotte on the weekend to catch the new Robot Johnson show and hopefully perform at the late show at the Charlotte Comedy Theatre.