Saturday, May 10, 2008

George "The" Bastard helps you understand

A rare crossposting - Shad over at Nice Marmot had a post that ticked my bastard juices (and tickled bastard juice is a rare commodity). His list of things he doesn't get...

Anime
The “Left Behind” Series
Ron Paul
People Magazine
My Space
Conversations about the weather
Dog People
Shopping
Fascination with/interest in the Olsen Twins (or insert other “celebrity” here)
people who litter (especially those who do so in my front lawn)
Books on CD/tape
James Patterson
NASCAR
Baseball as a metaphor for America



My response...

  • Anime: Because tentacle rape of teenage girls by evil demons is acceptable if it has squeaky Japanese voices behind it.
  • Left behind: The right behind has been squeezed too much
  • Ron Paul: Now you can be the white H.K. Edgerton
  • People magazine: Most people buy it for the crossword, some finish it.
  • My space: because registered sex offenders find it difficult to leave the house
  • Conversations about the weather: No, you can’t leave yet, I haven’t decided if I want to fuck you or kill you
  • Dog People: There to maintain the balance between cat people and sane people who see all animals as walking meat
  • Shopping: One of Sean Pertwee’s early films, wasn’t a big hit, but worth a look, there’s a young Jude Law in there too.
  • Fascination with underage celebrities: Those comedy romance movies from the 40s-60s were sometimes called “Delayed fuck” movies - the pair couldn’t do it until several conditions were met. Now we just masturbate until they’re 18. And when it turns out we’re not the first to fuck them, we enjoy their decline and demise.
  • People who litter your front lawn: reminds me, I have to do something with that bag from the fast food I had for breakfast. To the shaddump.
  • Books on tape: Mostly for fans of topology
  • James Patterson: his books are named after nursery rhymes, so they’re easy to remember. Soon he’ll run out and have to use “Wee Willie Winkie” and that will be the end of him.
  • NASCAR: fills the gap between church and bed
  • Baseball as a metaphor for America: There’s cheating, drugs, massive sums of cash going to poseurs, token inclusion of Canadians, a massive influx of Latinos and the rest of the world doesn’t like it or get it. IT IS AMERICA!

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