Monday, September 29, 2008


I had a great time, but I think anyone who talked to me knew that.

Gordon asked me if I'd do a short set at the BlogAsheville party (and I said yes before I knew it was the same weekend as Charlotte Beerfest), so I thought I'd give the greater Asheville Blog community the full-on Bastard experience and suited up.

Although I've done shows in Asheville in the pink suit, this is the first time I've not had to haul other costumes around or travel as a part of the show, so I walked from Casa del Bastard downtown in the pink pimp suit. There's a feeling of empowerment you get from the crazy things people on the street say as you saunter by. I stopped by Bruisin' Ales to pick up Julie (my "date" for the night, and her husband will be pleased to know I left her alone with many men during the evening) and we negotiated Asheville's alleys and underbelly to get there. A very enthusiastic gentleman outside Mellow Mushroom wanted to change clothes with me, I think it was to escape the creepy-crawlies that had permeated his short trousers.

We were among the first there. The setup was excellent - three foamy kegs, hidden bathrooms, and a convenient secluded courtyard where fine dining was offered at a convenient height to fart down on. I lost track of the number of people I chatted with and the ones I met for the first time. Random flying observations...

  • Jennifer Saylor kept touching my arm. If she has good luck from this, I could be the next Blarney Stone
  • Xty called me attractive and charming, so she must have been completely wasted
  • Gordon at one point put a traffic cone on his head and wouldn't take it off - maybe there are auditions for "Pirates of Penzance" somewhere
  • Reverend Johnny had to leave to go play a show with his band, but he didn't know when or where. I hope they just set up somewhere random and played until they were thrown out
  • I bumped into a guy named Clay (who works at the recording studio where I took my "Davinci Teabag") photo at different parties on Friday and Saturday. Weird.
  • Sorry to everyone I drunk dialled... especially those I drunk-dialled more than once
  • Julie had to leave way too early, but had some great stories of how single girls react at the last stop of the Brews Cruise, which makes me want to go on one
  • I think I killed any possibility of original George "the" Bastard material ever being published by Mountain Xpress, though I did see Ashevegas in the flesh, really I did
  • In my next life I will be Short Street Cakes fork-boy
  • If I do a double act, it will be George "the" Bastard and Carlos "the" Mexican
  • Matt Howard goes into a robotic trance if you ask him when his show is on and reels off a promo. He will then go straight back into interviewer mode
  • I don't know if Edgy Mama was trying to get in to or out of that t-shirt, but she succeeded

The time I was going to perform changed a bunch of times, and I was completely taken by surprise when I heard my name announced - I was filling a beer at the time! I was pleased with the set, got some really good laughs from those close in - I was told afterwards that if you were at the back you couldn't hear me clearly at all - you are the lucky ones.

This is no longer an award-winning blog. I donated a prize since I won an award last year, and I'm happy it went to someone who is going to like it (and who I had a wonderful drunk conversation with).

Good work on putting things together, BlogAsheville crew and other volunteers and sponsors.


arratik said...

In case you're interested, I recorded your Extravablogiversapaloozathon set Saturday night; I just wanted to ask your permission first before posting it online.

George the Bastard said...

Arik - I don't have your email, so sorry for sending an "on the blog" response.

Please don't post the audio of my set. I try to maintain some sort of exclusivity over my stand-up and I'm not ready to throw much into the public domain. It's low on the Feral Chihuahuas priority list, but we will post some videos of my stand-up from the summer season at some point.

I've also disappeared from the BlogAsheville blogroll.

Gordon Smith said...

You were great, though it was definitely a trial by fire for those uninitiated into the ways of the Bastard.

Re: the blogroll - we've got a new admin, and there's been some tweakin' going on. Maybe send an email to

Don Mak said...

Hah. I was pretty lit at that point but I do remember something about being an "elephant fluffer". For some reason that stuck with me. And now that I think about it I'm scared that is the only thing I recall. Hmmmm.

xty said...

I was not wasted! This morning, however, is a different story. (I love the smell of Relski Vodka on Wednesday mornings....)

Gianna said...

I liked your prize...two very silly Clinton dolls...his and hers..with purpose as well...Bill is a corkscrew, Hillary a nutcracker...

I was uninitiated to the ways of the bastard and had quite the delightful time talking to you in your drunkenness, which you might be disappointed was not at all apparent.

George the Bastard said...

Heh, I get crossposted and now it's comment central. I see now that I'm on the blogroll, somewhere down in the K's. Probably where I belong, Korge "the" Bastard.

arratik said...

Not a problem, George.

Are you going to be @ the ABC on Coxe tomorrow night? I can burn it to a CD and give you a copy. (It turned out really good, I think - because it was only single mic, the laughter is really quiet, almost giving it a Neil Hamburger-type effect.)

Julie said...

You were the most awesome elusive date ever. Surely a Brews Cruise is in order. You can have the spot behind the counter, normally monitored by hubby. Let's see what happens!

Looking forward to "all the horror of an election combined with the politics of Halloween."

AM said...

Just for you...